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The Sun Emerging Through the Clouds

I am enshrouded by white grey clouds, all above and around and then as I look up the street it is clearing and they are below the little white house, white sheets stretching across the road…

And further up on the high peaks – a layer of snow…

I still have no voice, the internet is still absent ( I have no 3G either) and I can’t work the heating – so I am sitting like a granny in a shawl which I thankfully found in a cupboard…

I am waiting for Maggie who is coming to show me how to work the heating as I clearly didn’t listen to the instructions properly yesterday…

All running plans are out of the ‘cloudy wet’ window, as it seems mad to take my vulnerable body out in this.

Maricarmen and I aren’t doing Spanish because I can’t really talk …

And I can’t do any of the things online I usually do…

Although I managed to get a text to Anadi to publish and post my vlog… ?

There isn’t however an ounce of me that minds; I am enjoying my mountain retreat…

I realise that my nature means that ‘circumstances’ have never really ‘thrown me out’ – and being a nomad has enhanced this to another level…

‘Being with what is’, even when it’s completely different to what we planned, simply means the need to trust – as I wrote yesterday – what the deeper plan must be…

I have no idea… But it will be revealed; the body holds all the wisdom and will reveal to us its messages, even if sometimes we don’t understand until a lot later. Or we never understand; but the necessary shift occurs and off we go.

Too much thinking what the situation is all about, can limit the process and instead it becomes a game of ‘let’s work it out…’

I could go into all sorts of investigation about ‘having a voice’ versus ‘not having a voice’ – and that may completely take me away from the deeper clearing that is occurring… It can keep us in our head rather than surrendering and being in the now – being fully in the experience…

When ‘things’ arise, either in the body or in our emotions, the most important thing is to fully feel them and to clear them… I have always ‘processed’ strongly in my body and it could be that being here alone, is allowing ‘stuff’ from old old issues to swirl up and away…. The clearing of lots of stuck energy that might have been lurking for aeons is having an opportunity to float off…

As I write a glimmer of understanding is arising, as I recall a conversation with Janey, that we had when we met at Gatwick, just over a week ago…

We were exploring my past lives and how I have a sense of having being vilified for speaking out, even being killed for it… And how this has been a big clearing for me in this lifetime, reflected especially the ‘feeling of being wrong’ issue, that now feels a distant memory… But – as Janey observed there is still perhaps something holding back from truly allowing my voice – my bare feet – their freedom…  ‘Voice’ is the metaphor paradoxically, my feet are my voice now, and who knows what their plan is!

I agreed with her…

A year ago I wrote some guided writing in a notebook that addressed this vilification and the need for it to clear to fully express…  This glimmer arose from within as I sat writing here, I now have understanding in motion…

Allowing insights and understanding to arise is a subtle thing – and an entirely different process to trying to ‘work something out’… When we try to ‘work something out’ we can get caught up in the ‘fun’ or ‘frustration’ of ‘the working out’… We can even delude ourselves if we hit on the issue, because we can get a ‘eureka’ moment, but then we can get stuck in the ‘story’ and evade and avoid the feelings that need clearing, both in the body and emotionally…

So I am clearing something within me that is ready to go…

And the path will reveal itself…  The sun is just emerging through the clouds… And my bare feet will show me the way when they are ready….

 

 

I have been running all of my life – it feels I was born to run. In the running step I experienced freedom and my true expression. I came to see that I needed to ‘get out of the way of myself’ and let my energy flow through the running step; allow it to express itself in the dance and the motion of running. I ran for England and GB for some years. My first international was in 1979, a three mile cross country race; and I continued to run at international level until 1993. Two of my best results were first place in the Dublin City Marathon in 1985 and 7th place woman, 3rd British woman in the 1986 London Marathon in a time of 2.36.31, which gained me selection for the Commonwealth Games.As a little girl I ran barefoot for many years, and then I put on shoes to race around the world. Fifty years later I am travelling the world as a nomad with my husband Anadi and I have taken off my shoes and I am running barefoot again….Website

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Mobile: +44 (0) 7866 396 233

Email : juliachitaylor@gmail.com

 

 

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