hhmmm….I just got posed one of those really thought provoking questions. One of those questions that is simple and straight-forward, but I don’t know if I’ve ever really asked/answered it before. interesting and thought provoking: IS there a clear cut definition for a healthy relationship? Essentially- what does, or should a healthy relationship look like? Granted, the answer isn’t quite as simple as the question- but it was a great topic to explore. We ALL have numerous relationships in our lives. Who wouldn’t like to have a way of assessing the health/ status of them..?
Let’s start by noting a distinction between a working or functional relationship, and a healthy relationship. For example- some people thrive on chaos, or argument. This might be a grey area between functional and healthy. If the relationship has an energetic that is about over-turning stability, or undermining another person, or disempowering themselves or someone else- then that would be functional, but not healthy. Both parties may be perfectly “content”.. in this situation.. I will refrain from saying happy, because I want to reserve this word for healthy-happy. And there is a distinction there. For example, some people aren’t “happy” without something to complain about. Is that happy/ happiness? or the satisfaction/ contentment of their own equilibrium being sustained…
So what are the parameters for a healthy relationship? Suppose we start with the basics of physics, and laws of energy. Energy cannot be created, destroyed, etc. Premise the first:) Premise the second.. each of us has an energy bubble. Within that bubble there is a specific “amount” of energy, a sort of bank balance. The quality and quantity may vary somewhat from person to person. You may hear someone note, this person has really good energy.. or someone is totally draining, or drained of their energy. Our metaphors, very often reflect, or articulate deeper truths of energy and physics.
SO, a healthy relationship: according to the teachings I use to heal and explain concepts: there is a term that we do not have in English, that does not have any direct English counter-part. Ayni. It means, roughly, reciprocity, or sacred reciprocity/ balance, or harmony. But its deeper, more literal translation is: if one gives, one must receive; if one receives, one must give. It is the idea of exchange, as a way of maintaining social and energetic balance. But this is also a deeper expression of physics, as well. Or legalities, perhaps? You come into an exchange with X amount of energy. When the exchange is completed, you should still have X amount of energy- no more, no less. Interactions are about coming together, perhaps sharing or exchanging energy.. but then a healthy “separation” of those energies. Neither side should be trying to steal, borrow or control the energy ( literal and emotional) of the other party or parties. This is what is termed, being in ones integrity.
Do we gain things from being in a relationship? Do we, should we, benefit in some way? YES. BUT… in an optimal relationship- the other person is not enhancing you via THEIR bubble. Rather, they are, or should be showing/ teaching you how to enhance your own bubble.
SO to answer the question- is there a clear cut definition of a healthy relationship. Yes, probably 🙂 But, it is also somewhat subjective, as it is playing out on the physical levels. Also, even less than ideal relationships are learning experiences. People learn how to be in their integrity, or how to disengage with unhealthy patterns. Some people decide what works for them, even if it is less than optimal. Some people remain stuck, and some people get further sucked into unhealthy and unbalanced situations. And yes, there are energetic vampires and junkies who do prey upon vulnerable/ susceptible people. Unfortunately, there is learning to be had for those “victims” as well.. It is all experiential learning…
Another facet of a healthy relationship would be- does it move you forward? yes, generally all movement is forward, even if it might appear that some people do not move forward, or repeat patterns, or “give up.” Everything is forward, and no two experiences are quite the same. Additionally, maybe this 4rth or 5th repeat.. will be the one where the person ‘ gets it.’ Some relationships move us forward more smoothly and directly than others. is this relationship feeding a wound or old contract, rather than feeding my “soul path,” so to speak, might be another barometer by which to estimate the role of a relationship and its health.
Is this a lesson I still haven’t mastered but keep repeating? less than healthy, but evidently needs visiting/ examining. is this genuinely a pleasurable and rewarding situation in which the world and my life are unfolding in positive ways that create synchronicity and meaningful connection?
I would extend this to relationships between individuals, between groups, businesses, and even countries.. I think, like fractals, or energetic patterns.. the paradigm is the same, regardless of the stage on which it is being played. Are BOTH countries equally enhanced? Is one profiting at the expense and well-being of another? I wonder if we in the western modern world have lost a genuine way of measuring and assessing the integrity of our relationships…
Does anyone else out there have any thoughts on this? Did I miss anything?
I am an Education Specialist, Health Coach and Author. I work with aspects of the teachings I have learned from Andean shamanic and cosmology, to health, nutrition and education. Everything is energy. Energy must flow. Like water, when it does not flow, it stagnates and is not healthy. These techniques help your life to flow. I have been initiated into many of the ancient lineages and learned ceremonies, rites of passage and healing techniques. I have worked as a healer and done workshops and taught some of these aspects – passing the teachings on.
Dancing in Your Bubble : ancient teaching, modern healing
Natural Support for Alzheimer’s
Getting a Handle on Happy : find and fix causes of stress and depression
The Naturally Smarter Kid : a parent’s guide to helping kids succeed in school and life
Cafe of the Hungry Ghosts : behind the veil of ordinary – a paranormal-ish fiction book