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Why Do We Suffer From Self Hatred?

Caroline NettleMany of the issues that we are faced with in our daily lives are a result of self hatred. These include illness, mental health issues, addictions and compulsive behaviours and affect nearly all of us in some way or another.

As children we learn that in order to get attention we need to adapt ourselves to be able to please those that provide for our needs. We do this at home, at school and anywhere where we feel we want to fit in and be accepted.

The downside of this is that eventually we have adapted so much that our inner light is no longer shining, and we forget our true essence and the result is self hatred.

Our parents and care givers also play a role, as they are attempting to make us into normal and acceptable children, as their parents did with them, and theirs with them and so on back in time. They dampen our spirits and often do not see us as they try to mould us into good little children. They also project their needs and wants onto their children (unconsciously for the most part) and each time they do this, the child adapts again.

Self hatred is all consuming. It affects the way we think, feel, play and work. Most people suffering from self hatred find that they initially need to learn that they have the right to be here and to take up the space they need. This is often very challenging for someone who has spent their life so far blending into the picture rather than standing out in the crowd.

Another issue that needs to be addressed is that if we adapted so much as children, it is likely that we do not know how to express feelings of anger, rage, sadness, grief or fear. Part of adapting means that we learnt to hide our feelings in order not to be a nuisance or upset the adults in our lives. Decision making and boundary setting are also areas that probably cause us problems if we had to fit in with others all our lives.

It is so important to learn to love yourself and really to appreciate that you are perfect exactly as you are. There will only ever be one you, and so it is imperative that you work out why you suffer from self hatred, and then go on to heal the parts of you that are out of balance with your inner self. This will mean learning to make decisions for yourself, stop seeking approval from others, speaking up when you need to be heard, and allowing yourself to grow and heal.

As we recover from self hatred, and learn to love ourselves, we can learn to love all the other people on the planet, and ultimately, we can find peace and happiness because we are at peace with ourselves.



My website is the culmination of many years of seeking answers about my own health and well-being, and studying the human condition. I write articles, am a healer and give talks about subjects relating to spiritual growth and personal development. I am passionate about healing, recovery, and assisting others to grow.




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