Invitation for the workshop sent; people were interested; two days of organization, to finally find the best day and time for the workshop; calling places that rent out rooms for events like this, deciding on one not because it is cheaper, but because it can give me the room sooner, and when I ask my inner self what is more important it says sooner.
Now the registration has started and I am waiting for people to email me.
I see that the project is being supported by the universe. It is good. It is a good feeling to know that I am, somehow, integrated in the process of growth that is beyond me, and so beautiful.
There is still a “me” that feels good now. I let this go and stay in peace for a while.
When I wake up in the morning I am confused again. I can’t shake some feeling of having been so close to horror. Yesterday I had a session in which I felt so close to horror. I had to feel it, so I could navigate the session in ways that bring love into the experience. When the patient left, even thought I could see some change in her, and even though I made sure to disconnect energetically, the experience of being so close to such a struggle somehow stayed with me. Something about it belonged to me too, and I was stirred.
I put my brush to paint.
This is what comes to me when I look at it:
There is a lot of struggling in the lower part. There is a tremendous growth in the middle and upper parts. This growth breaks some pieces of blue and they just fly away in all directions.
In a second look I see that the parts of the brown in the lower part of the picture are weak. They become transparent and almost not there. Now think about all this growth standing on such a weak foundation.
Then I see that the blue in the lower part came to help the brown to have something stable to stand on. Do you see that? That same blue is broken to pieces and expelled in the upper part. To me this tells the story of relying on something that is not totally healthy for me in the beginning, and later on, after realizing that it is not healthy, I kick it away from me. But if I throw out all the blue in the picture, what is left? The weak brown foundation. This tremendous explosion of growth cannot stand on such weak feet.
It comes to me to go down to the lower part of the picture and learn more about it. Maybe I can fix it into what is best for it to be? And the best way for me to learn what to do is to let intuition do it. So I make another drawing, intending it to clarify for me what has to be done there.
First I do the red. It is, as I feel it when I draw, the willing and thinking around this issue. As I draw, I remember that I have to make sure to build a good foundation, but miraculously my hand refuses to do it, so the red remains weak in the lower part of the picture. You don’t see it now, but there was even a break in the connection of the foundation to the body.
It comes to me to use the deep yellow now. For the deep yellow it is not a problem at all to go all the way down and all the way up. This is what I find out when I do the yellow. As I do the yellow I know in myself that the yellow is the spiritual light. I can see how it so easily goes everywhere. This should be my foundation. The red, and the brown in the previous drawings, are the manifested reality, including the thinking mind. The manifested reality and the mind always come from the mind itself. So the mind takes over the direction of creation and pushes it according to its ideals. But it loses touch with the spiritual underlying, all encompassing reality. It deviates and makes its imagination into the life that is being lived.
Then there is the green, which comes after the yellow. For me it feels like the way the earth supports the body, so that the body can discover spirit.
The yellow and the green tell me: Put all your trust in the spirit, and enjoy the support that the earth is giving your body. Make sure you eat well.
You can see how full of effort is the red part and how easily flowing are the yellow and the green. Running your life from thinking is always hard.
The red looks strong and impressive but the yellow and the green have the real power.
So here you have it, my morning conversation with inner guidance.
I used to be a graphic designer and an illustrator. I became involved with the Chan Meditation Center and studied meditation and Buddhist knowledge with the late Master Sheng-yen from Taiwan. For twelve years I was in a process of deepening my meditation. I had many more experiences and insights and my life changed. After having illustrated more than 40 children’s books and writing two of them, I left this career too and went to New York University to study art therapy.