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Investigating Our Alter Ego Can Set Us Free…

The night was alive with music and people and shops still selling… Restaurants full of groups laughing and talking; tapas selling in the street and cocktail bars … The delightful energy of human beings being human, doing what we spend a lot of time doing… eating drinking talking, sharing, time food, fun, laughter…

For awhile in this environment I get a wild urge to simply drink cocktails for ever; to sip their blue green rose coloured beauty and feel the lightness in the head lift me above everything; live in this state forever…

Cafe con leche for breakfast, moving onto cocktails thereafter…

It seems my alter ego is still alive and well; she who lives a life in the midnight hours, who drinks and writes and smokes all night long… Who has many lovers, female and male, and enjoys the exploration and adventure of discovering herself this way…

I enjoy investigating the desires of my alter ego, as they must be listened to… For if they lie in the shadows they can fester – shrivel and destroy us…

All that we keep hidden away, can hurt us and torment us. It is in investigating what lies in the darkness that we find healing, health and wholeness; by avoiding it and seeking only to stay where we feel safe; in the light of day where we hide from the dark, we are more likely to feel more suffocated and fearful and restless; trapped, confused and bored, than if we explore everything… Turn to what we can’t see, from that which we flee – and in facing it, find we are free…

For in the shadows is our princess and our king, our golden gifts and dreams, as well as the dim and murky waters of our pain… And all of it is for our growth… The tension and anger, the hate and the jealousy; the spirit of freedom, the race to the top, the success, the joy, the sadness, the athlete, the whore… Bring them all out, meet them on the floor in front of you, and feel the liberation as you find that the truth of you isn’t going to destroy you; in fact it will set you free…

For in every single aspect within us, there is the light and the dark. In every quality there are two sides to the sword… And when we dare look, we will discover how to embrace our shadow, include the aspects we most fear… Integrate them within us so that we find our wholeness, and delight in who we truly are…

The lively night turned into another glorious morning running on the beach; empty save for the early morning crowd… Of which I am often one… My alter ego doesn’t pull me to the place of lost form, lost running steps; she accesses the feelings of freedom, joy, electric possibility that the night time ‘alter’ represents… Free to explore, the morning barefoot running girl, enjoys freedom and electricity in the feel of the firm sand, under her feet… Washed by the recent swirl and swell of water…

She is able to experience the freedom, the exhilaration… Her own ‘Bohemian rhapsody’ on an endless sandy beach with not many other souls about.

 

 

 

I have been running all of my life – it feels I was born to run. In the running step I experienced freedom and my true expression. I came to see that I needed to ‘get out of the way of myself’ and let my energy flow through the running step; allow it to express itself in the dance and the motion of running. I ran for England and GB for some years. My first international was in 1979, a three mile cross country race; and I continued to run at international level until 1993. Two of my best results were first place in the Dublin City Marathon in 1985 and 7th place woman, 3rd British woman in the 1986 London Marathon in a time of 2.36.31, which gained me selection for the Commonwealth Games.

As a little girl I ran barefoot for many years, and then I put on shoes to race around the world. Fifty years later I am travelling the world as a nomad with my husband Anadi and I have taken off my shoes and I am running barefoot again….

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Email : juliachitaylor@gmail.com

 

 

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