Many people in our society choose to endure relationships long beyond what is deemed to be healthy.
To some people, having a relationship at all, regardless of how miserable it makes you, is better than being on your own, and all that this implies. To others, early childhood programming has taught them to put up with what life presents, and so there really does not seem to be a choice to them – they must make the best of what they have.
We attract to ourselves the lessons we need to learn. For every victim, there has to be a perpetrator. If the lesson we need to learn is to stand up for ourselves, we will be presented with a line of people who will trample on our boundaries, until such time as we learn to say no, and choose a different way. If the lesson we need to learn is to believe in ourselves, we will choose a long line of people that will show us how useless and worthless we are, until we get it. If our lesson is to trust, we need to learn to trust ourselves and so on.
Usually, as soon as the penny drops, the line of people volunteering to help us to learn what we need to learn disappears, and as you begin to treat yourself with respect, others follow suit.
So, if your life is populated with people who celebrate you, encourage you and inspire you, you do not need to read on. For the rest of us, if you take an inventory of the people in your life today, and find that they are not supporting or helping you to grow, it may be time to evaluate why you are spending time with these people. Do they enable you to stay small and hide from your own power and life purpose? In which case, why do you allow them to?
Here are some of the characteristics of an abusive person (male or female) –
- They shout, sulk, glare, call you names, make you feel ugly and worthless, and they cut you off from your friends.
- They stop you working, they never admit they are wrong, and they blame you for the problems they have in their life.
- They use the children to control you, do not help with the housework, expect sex on demand, control the money, threaten or manipulate you to get their own way, and never look after the children.
- They seduce your friends, family or anyone. They expect you to take care of them and be responsible for them. They give you very little in return for all this.
These are the characteristics of someone you actively choose to stay with each time you do not leave. Maybe you have some more lessons to learn? Maybe you do not feel that you are worth anything better? When is enough pain going to be enough?
Becoming aware of the fact that you are in unhealthy relationships is the easier part. Actually leaving can be really challenging, especially where there are children involved.
However, each and every one of us deserves a loving partner and friends that cherish and support us, are responsible, believe in you, and allow you to breathe. Why not be surrounded by people that you enjoy being with, and that help you to grow as a person?
If you do not believe that this is what you deserve, then you have found an area that you need to work on. If this is something that you feel you do deserve, then begin to make some decisions that support you, and plan for a different life. Get all the support that you can and start to take responsibility for your life.
Choose life. Choose to be free from those relationships that do not support you. Choose yourself. You are worth it.
My website is the culmination of many years of seeking answers about my own health and well-being, and studying the human condition. I write articles, am a healer and give talks about subjects relating to spiritual growth and personal development. I am passionate about healing, recovery, and assisting others to grow.