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Healing Through Relationships

Julia ChiWe get hurt in relationship… And so it is, that we can heal in relationship…
When we were little our caretakers – however well intentioned – were unable to meet all of our needs… We adapted to this in various ways, through hiding and disowning aspects of ourselves, so that we could survive…

But we all want to be whole, and falling in love and intimacy as an adult, is a way for our inner child to complete the unfinished business of childhood…

Intimacy is the place we can re engage with our magical child, and grow into the unwounded adult, our true self…
This isn’t of course exclusively romantic love – but it is in any close relating, where we are open and vulnerable and willing to reveal ourselves…

Paradoxically it is in seeking to be the best friend, or best partner, or best colleague we can be that we start to heal ourselves…

So how do we become that best friend…?

99% of conflict comes through people not being 100% present, and so not hearing the other fully. Misunderstandings easily occur, through projection of our own past experiences, onto what the other is saying…

And so the first place of healing and growth is to be here and now, engaged in the very moment, listening to what the person we are with is really saying… Seeking to step into their shoes and truly enter their world…

It is in fully acknowledging that we are 100 percent responsible for our part in any dynamic – that we are both a part of the problem and the solution – and so is the other, that transformation can begin…

When in the grip of conflict, this can be a tough one to accept..
When we are in pain, we want it to be the fault of the other and we want to blame them…

But, there is no one to blame…
And in truth, this is wonderfully freeing and empowering…

In any conflict growth is waiting to happen… And happen it will, when we recognise that the person in front of us is a wounded child, trying to be heard and seen…

If we stop, press pause, and really really listen, we will find that there may be some truth in what they are saying about us too, even if it sounds like criticism…

They can be leading us to drop the adaptations we set up in childhood to survive, so that we can shine as our true selves, rather than our wounded, defensive selves.

Once we start to really listen, we can learn more about the other, and more about ourselves too.

The real secret is to always focus on our own lessons, not those of the other….

 

 

I have been running all of my life – it feels I was born to run. In the running step I experienced freedom and my true expression. I came to see that I needed to ‘get out of the way of myself’ and let my energy flow through the running step; allow it to express itself in the dance and the motion of running.  I ran for England and GB for some years. My first international was in 1979, a three mile cross country race; and I continued to run at international level until 1993. Two of my best results were first place in the Dublin City Marathon in 1985 and 7th place woman, 3rd British woman in the 1986 London Marathon in a time of 2.36.31, which gained me selection for the Commonwealth Games.

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