One of the hardest things, especially when young and dating, isn’t the ‘naivete’ so much as the energetic blind spots. In healing work we teach, if you don’t heal it you marry it (or date it). Also, one well-known writer guru notes, the other term for soul mate, is wound mate. Essentially the same precept. Our primary relationships teach us, directly and indirectly- what roles are, what expectations should be, and what response-options are available to each of us in any given situation. These are by no means ALL the available options, but they are what we have learned as OUR options..
If you have had relationships in your life, w/ parents, mentors, friends etc. while growing up, that treated you a certain way- say jokingly, or not so jokingly, putting you down.. this will be a blind spot. You literally don’t-won’t hear this in a dating partner and other relationships. Those snide comments, or biting comebacks fall into a deaf-zone.. where you don’t really hear them.. but they do serve to perpetuate and reinforce a deeper truth and reality.
I experienced this myself, when in my first serious relationship we were talking with a realtor. I made a comment about something, to which my then-partner essentially said, shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about. To which, I pretty much decided it wasn’t worth asserting myself and creating an argument. The realtor very tactfully piped up, saying, let her speak, she knows exactly what she’s saying. Sound familiar?
WOW- in that moment.. a blind spot was clearly pointed out. This was very much the relationship between my parents. My father would ultimately assert himself by telling my mother she had no idea what she was talking about. And while attempting to assert herself, ultimately it led to her being in tears, leaving. The click of her door was one of the most painful sounds I remember from growing up. SO, blind spots do not have to be the way WE are treated.. but can also be the lessons we “learn” about roles, behaviours and possible responses:.. what is in our life-arsenal, or bag of tricks.. how we approach and respond to things- what even HITS our radar screen.. and then, what our various options are for where we go from that point:)
Granted- in healing work we teach.. every experience is an opportunity to heal and resolve something. From that moment, I gained an insight into the things I SHOULD have been noticing: and that I should have EXPECTED respect, rather than having to struggle for it. BELIEFS, or contracts/ truths.. about ourselves and the world, dictate what we do and how we respond. Other people, and relationships, serve as “mirrors” that can show us things about ourselves.
For my own path, I can attest that yes, preferring not to create an argument is still one of my defaults. I do try to find pro-active ways of resolving things. But there is also still the underlying lessons of how energetic transactions resolve. However, I do now have the capacity to step into my own power and find my voice. When I do, I do trust that I am fully justified, as I am generally easy-going. I also know that I am not just reacting emotionally, or playing out a previously learned pattern. I do stand up for myself when I need to, or feel it is warranted. I have learned how to pick my battles; and more, I do not enter a “battle” without a clear strategy and goal. As a result, that dynamic does not perpetuate. My encounters are successful and productive:)
I have come to think of first relationships as the learning ground, for what to look for, want etc.. in a serious relationship.. as noted– to see the deal-breakers.. but more so.. learn to spot the keepers 😉 It is as much about knowing what a person truly WANTS, as much as knowing what one does NOT want. Working TOWARD something is more powerful and productive, than moving AWAY from things 🙂
I am an Education Specialist, Health Coach and Author. I work with aspects of the teachings I have learned from Andean shamanic and cosmology, to health, nutrition and education. Everything is energy. Energy must flow. Like water, when it does not flow, it stagnates and is not healthy. These techniques help your life to flow. I have been initiated into many of the ancient lineages and learned ceremonies, rites of passage and healing techniques. I have worked as a healer and done workshops and taught some of these aspects – passing the teachings on.
Dancing in Your Bubble : ancient teaching, modern healing
Natural Support for Alzheimer’s
Getting a Handle on Happy : find and fix causes of stress and depression
The Naturally Smarter Kid : a parent’s guide to helping kids succeed in school and life
Cafe of the Hungry Ghosts : behind the veil of ordinary – a paranormal-ish fiction book