I had an idea about financing the book that I have written. I mentioned it to my partner and she rejected the idea very strongly. This stopped me in my tracks. I became frozen for a few days, and like a person with no direction.
Her opposition made no sense. She did not know the details. And yet it stopped me. My reaction also made no sense. I have done things before that she rejected, and they turned out to be wonderful. My trip to Tokyo, where I introduced this way of working with art to an international community of creative arts therapists was one such thing and ended up being a big success. About two hundred people attended my presentation and it had lead to an invitation to write a chapter for a book and to many connections.
Why did it stop me now?
Because I am working on myself now, and everything is raw. There is no protection. One of my sad memories is of me wanting to change the direction of my education while in high-school into something that I could enjoy and my mother’s vehement rejection. It was the same kind of rejection that my partner presented.
While in this indecision, I did a few drawings. All kept telling me to go on. It took three of them to convince me. When I felt the love that was coming from my intuition, I suddenly was able to catch what had happened. Only love can repair not-love. And sometimes it takes quite a bit of the good experience to convince us. This case in particular shows the power of this method. I was in a state of confusion. An inner program jumped into action and froze me. I did not even know why I was like that. When I turned to my intuition, it just streamed love, trust and wisdom through my imagination. I was able to read it and got my sense of safety back. Only then, I suddenly understood what had happened. This also shows that understanding is not something to seek in order for the process of healing to happen. Understanding may happen at the end of the process, after the barriers to love have been dissolved. Healing has nothing to do with understanding. It has to do with replacing fear with love.
All of these are an internal affair.
Here is the first of these three drawings.
And the poem:
By feeding energy to the plant
And keeping a special light
The whispering ally helps me know
That I am already moving
And will be totally different soon
Not as I am now
Knowing with limitations
But with peace
The second drawing:
And its poem:
Roll and giggle, children
The space between the two of you
Is full of good things
Venture out from under the skirt
You do not need perfection
Reflect the sky
That does not keep a secret
Move until you’re tired
Make a tent
Play a bit before you sleep
This morning I got an email from the bank, telling me that I am in overdraft. I suddenly felt sad and desperate. In the past I would have gone crazy, trying to find whatever way I could save myself. Today I took the paintbrush:
And this is what my intuition said:
From the most hurting place
And the most wounded
Not from a quiet pool.
Falling down and getting up
From the blood bath
Is what had happened before.
Now eternal light
Is the source of growth.
No more struggling.
I became peaceful. I sat down and started to plan the best ways to transfer the gift that I have received, which is this very method. I had new ideas and I feel good now. I know I am doing what is best for me and for everybody.
I used to be a graphic designer and an illustrator. I became involved with the Chan Meditation Center and studied meditation and Buddhist knowledge with the late Master Sheng-yen from Taiwan. For twelve years I was in a process of deepening my meditation. I had many more experiences and insights and my life changed. After having illustrated more than 40 children’s books and writing two of them, I left this career too and went to New York University to study art therapy.