Like Jonathan, I want to have my feelings acknowledged, so that I can let them go. I show my moods, my feelings and my beliefs to myself, when I paint.
Before I start, I always ask that the painting will show me what is going on in my thinking, feelings and mood.
This is like asking, before I start the painting: tell me how do I feel now, with all the links to my subconscious?
Now, in order to know how I feel, I need to come out of the feeling and still feel it at the same time.
Is this possible?
It is only possible if I find a way to become aware.
Awareness is a strange ability that we all possess and use when we need it. It is exactly what I wrote before: We somehow find a way to disengage from our involvement with our immediate experience, while allowing the experience to go on, so that we can become the watchers of it.
Becoming the watcher, in this way, is actually stepping into a deeper or bigger aspect of us. We cannot become observers of our own feelings or inner experiences without doing this stepping into the deeper, wider aspect.
This aspect is always watching our inner experiences, from the time of our birth to the last minute of life. It is independent. It always allows everything to happen, without interfering. So this ability to watch and let be, is in every single one of us.
If we decide to dip in this aspect of ourselves more, we see more of our inner experiences and it starts to become clearer to us, when we feel good and when we feel not so good. Then, naturally, with this inner view to support us, we tend to choose the experiences that make us feel better, and we also choose to let go of the experiences that cause us to suffer. In this way we improve our everyday experience of life. We veer ourselves toward more of what we like and away from what we do not like.
Overall our mood becomes good more of the time, and this is called emotional healing.
The use of this facility is actually the only thing that can heal us. And we are the only entity in the world that can do it for ourselves. Other people can help us develop this ability, to dip into our larger aspect and look from inside, but other people cannot really change anything in our inner world. It is our own choice. We have to do it for ourselves. So every healing is actually a self-healing.
Does this make you feel good?
Check inside. Dip in and see, if you want.
Good? Interesting? Unexpectedly enriched? Lost? Frightened? Awed?
I think this is already long for a blog post. So I’ll add one more entry in this little series, to finish it off. But I’ll tell you here that art making can be a very effective and powerful way to get into this deeper larger aspect of who-we-are. I’ll write about it in the next entry.
I used to be a graphic designer and an illustrator. I became involved with the Chan Meditation Center and studied meditation and Buddhist knowledge with the late Master Sheng-yen from Taiwan. For twelve years I was in a process of deepening my meditation. I had many more experiences and insights and my life changed. After having illustrated more than 40 children’s books and writing two of them, I left this career too and went to New York University to study art therapy.