A Stream in Formlessness
Still waking up at night. At 2:30 AM I go to my studio. It still bothers me that I have pain, though it bothers much less than it did before. I know my question to Int.: What do I need to know?
Here is the drawing.
And the text:
My pain is what remains after the suffering.
Melancholy stories emanated from each other
As I walked along all those routes
How dramatic
What beauty and sadness
I saw
All of it happened on our green land
To which we were connected
Seamlessly
How beautiful it was
To be seeking the light inside of the sad
The water puddles that you see
Are remnants of the floods
Which were lives I lived
As a stream in formlessness.
A few thoughts:
Pain is what remains AFTER the suffering: Maybe I have cleared enough of the suffering for healing to happen, but the cells of the area have become habituated to behave in a certain way or react to signals in the way that they developed when the damage occurred. It may also be that the memory which keeps the pain has to do with nerve cells and even cells in the brain, that became habituated to react in this way when getting certain thoughts or emotional signals. If this is the case I need to communicate directly with these cells and allow them to return to normal functioning. I know it may sound strange to some people, but I believe it is possible to communicate with cells and agree with them on a way to change. After all, they have intelligence.
The next seven lines talk about the choice to live on earth and to have dramas and beautiful experiences, all based on feeling limited and longing to be limitless.
Seeking the light inside of the sad is how we start our way out of this dream of limited life. Finding light inside of the sad is the only way to start and the only way to finish. The light is our intuition, our art, our inner honesty, all of them are appearances of the truth. And of course, becoming a witness to the truth is the greatest healing experience, because it clarifies to us that all that we have experienced in the lives that we lived was a choice that can be changed. This is what freedom means.
The last lines again speak of effects that were left behind issues that basically have left. They are habitual energy and maybe some fear of being without all that I have believed in for so long and all that I trusted and have strived to accomplish.
I used to be a graphic designer and an illustrator. I became involved with the Chan Meditation Center and studied meditation and Buddhist knowledge with the late Master Sheng-yen from Taiwan. For twelve years I was in a process of deepening my meditation. I had many more experiences and insights and my life changed. After having illustrated more than 40 children’s books and writing two of them, I left this career too and went to New York University to study art therapy.
